Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Making it Work.
Helllooo :)

So I haven't blogged in awhile eh :)? Haha! As I've said I've just been swamped with school. I wish I could show you guys cool pictures of the things I'm doing and places I'm going but thats just not going to happen again until winter break LOL so I decided to do my favorite kind of blog posts: the type where I don't talk about anything and just babble HAHAHAA. I really should be studying more, but I've been studying my butt off and aced my last final so I'm in a particularly unfocused mood LOL.

Okay well I guess I'm going to talk about something :). For those of you that don't know I'm currently in a long distance relationship. The reason why I bring this up is because once people found out (I showed him a bit on BTV too ^^) it sparked a flurry of questions: the prevailing one of which is, "How do you make it work?" Like many of you ladies, my boo is not a hop and skip away. He is not even simply across the fact the only way he could be farther from me and still in the States is if he lived in Maine LOL. We did the math before, and there's a little under 3,000 miles separating the two of us. It sucks, it's not drivable, and its not a trip you can make impromptu on a whim :/ [Unless you don't work or go to school] which most of you probably do one or the other if not both. Yes you may be able to make a surprise trip, but how many times a year would that really be realistic? Now i'm not complaining about my relationship, I know it could be a lot worse. In fact I have never been happier in my life :) I wouldn't have it any other way...but it's definitely hard despite having the luxury of technology. My coworker went away to volunteer in Brazil once and had no internet or telephone service for 6 months. She couldn't correspond with her boyfriend except for letters...Imagine that! But here are my tips for making your long distance relationship work:

1. Realize that distance isn't everything. Just because someone lives close to you, does that mean you'll stay with them? NOPE. So distance doesn't need to break you either. If you don't like someone enough to make it work long distance and would rather be with someone else, then you don't like them enough anyways. Be with someone else and spare each other the grief.

2. Trust each other. Now this one's a toughie. I know a LOT of people have trust issues with their significant other. Multiply the miles between you...and that's a whole lot of grey area for distrust to build LOL. Because let's be real now, you could both be doing doing a whole lot of shady business-and getting away with it.

Now I've never been a jealous person so it's kinda hard for me to relate to this...I've never been jealous except when I had reason to be. I can count the amount of times I've been jealous on one hand, and each time I was it was ALWAYS based on a hunch I had that turned out to be true (this was many years ago though). It's crazy what your intuition and sub-conscious knows about you and the people around you. Generally speaking though I'm never ever jealous. Why? Because I think being jealous is incredibly unhealthy. I feel as if 90% of the fights in relationships stem from jealousy. A lot of people argue that fights make you learn more about each other and I agree, but only to an extent. Significant fights can bring you closer together and make you learn more about one another...but dumb fights (lets be real) just piss you off. If you want your s.o. to trust you, you have to do the same. And if you can't trust them then...why are you dating them again? o_O I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they give me reason to do otherwise. So if you don't have a reason past, "OMG A GIRL JUST COMMENTED ON HIS FB WALL", trust him/her.

Oh yeah. And being insecure is annoying. Next!

3. Make time for each other. Now you can do this in a lot of ways...texting, phone calls, skype, letters etc. We live in a technological world now, and it's easy to find ways to make each other a part of each other's lives. We skype or talk on the phone every single night, and it sucks to see their face on a screen or to hear their voice on the phone but it's better than nothing at all. You can even text each other pics of your life: while you're out shopping, what you're having for dinner etc! It's nice to feel kind of included, even if you're not there :] And it's always nice to know that you're being thought of.

For those of you who don't know what Skype is it's a FREE program that is far superior to AIM or MSN video chat. The lag and quality are much better- and its 100% free. You can also use it to make international phone calls for free as well :D You can download it here , all you need is to have a computer and a webcam. If your computers do not come with a webcam pre-installed, there are many great and affordable ones available online :). If one of you doesn't own a computer, I'd HIGHLY suggest investing in a netbook. Almost every one I've ever seen comes with a webcam pre-installed and you can find MANY under 200 dollars that come with 2 year warranties. They're not practical for a school computer (netbooks are tiny laptops with virtually no memory and no CD drive) but they're extremely portable, affordable and they get the job done. Also they're super cute and have great battery life LOL.

4. Visit each other when you can. This one is a no-brainer...but the problem is finding the time and means to do it. I've never had to buy a 400 dollar plane ticket before just to give my boyfriend a hug. Travel time alone I have to spend 8 hours getting there (including getting there early, checking in, waiting to board etc), so it's no day trip and takes a lot of money and saving. So basically I've been doing a whole lot of saving LOL. You'd be surprised how much money you save if you don't go out quite as much. Maybe cut down on going out to dinner or refrain from extra frivolous purchases. If you'd rather get a new pair of shoes than see him, you should probably get the shoes and forget the relationship (they'll last longer LOL). I'm always on the hunt for great travel deals now :) This -ad site has a LOT of great travel deals and it's where I book 90% of the tickets I buy. It's also where I bought my ticket when I missed my flight- a next day ticket home cost me $250 including tax. Thats by no means as cheap as it gets (I've gotten fares as low as 260 including tax round trip to NY) but thats still 240 cheaper than what the airline was trying to charge me for a next day flight. In addition to cheap airfare, they have discounted hotels and car rentals too. Check constantly, as fares can change over 100 dollars in the span of a day. This site usually has GREAT deals, but I always make sure to cross check it with my favorite airline's direct sites just in case. ONCE in awhile...they'll have crazy sales on their personal site that they do not advertise there. You can even go on their sites and sign up for email notifications- they can email you every time they have a sale or when they have a special sale headed to your place of specification.

Generally speaking the discount airfare sites are almost always the cheapest option (Priceline is my FAVORITE...more so than Kayak, Orbitz etc but those are similar!), but when airlines have MAJOR flight sales site-wide [like the one Virgin America just had] those are usually just as good if not a slightly better value. So do your research and check MULTIPLE sites before purchasing! It could save you some serious bucks (which can then be invested in future trips LOL). I don't know about purchasing overseas flights however, but I'm sure there is a similar site to Orbitz/Kayak/Priceline that works with international flights as well.

Even if all you can save is 20-30 dollars a week, it really adds up over time. 30 bucks a week is a lip gloss and cheap dinner...not much sacrifice there. Also I think if you live frugally, ie. eat at home, don't go out as much etc, you'll look a lot better too. There's not many healthy and good-for-you dining options out there (except salad/soup I guess...but I always feel robbed when I buy these things at a restaurant LOL) so you can kill two birds with one stone :D

5. Stay busy. Pick up a hobby, take an extra class or get a part-time job. When you're alone and have nothing to do, that's when it's the worst. This is probably the biggest perk of a LDR- you have a lot of time to do your own thing. And I hate to sound cliche, but it really does make you value each other and the time you get to spend together more. So do something good for you that'll distract you a little bit throughout your day until you get to talk to one another. Maybe start cooking and going to the gym? BOOM! 3 hours less of missing your boo. Haha :)

So yup. Thats it...this was a lot more lengthy than I wanted it to be LOL. But I hope this helps some of you. Yes, it really sucks when you see those couples holding hands everywhere doing "couply" things together, but just know that if it's right one day you can be one of those obnoxious couples as well. And in the case it really is right and "meant to be", you will have plenty of time in the future to be sick of each other's smiley faces :D

And in conclusion since many of you asked...a picture! :D
HAHAHA I KNOW THIS ISNT WHAT YOU MEANT LOL BUT TOO BAD (he's terribly vain and doesn't photograph well so he'd kill me otherwise- I think this is a universal guy thing though). Maybe if you squint hard enough and imagine him with open eyes and un-squish our noses, you'll be spot on! LOL

Much love,


Jane Ko said...

Aw cute picture! What's his name?

pfefi said...

So thorough, helpful, and optimistic! I wish I had read this before giving up on several LDRs, though. Still, I'll definitely be passing the advice on. :)

PetiteAsianGirl said...

What a thoughtful post! Though I've never had to do LDR my bf of six years and I spent all our college summers on opposite coasts and even then we almost fell apart! Some of the things you mention seem like givens but we didnt even do visits, didn't talk every day, etc.

You go girl for saving up a little bit each week towards seeing your long distance love. Eat a few bags of frozen gyoza instead of going out and soon you'll have a ticket : )

Mindy♥ said...

aww girl, this was a really good post! I've never been in a long distance relationship, but my friend recently got into one and it well... had its ups and downs. All the things you said make sense!! ;)

DSK Steph! said...

I did the long distance thing for a while with minh and it all worked out :) I really like your thoughts. I know lots of girls will find this post very helpful in times of need. :D

Happy Holidays Jackie!


Jennifer said...

i usually don't comment on posts but it's so crazy how i'm kinda in the same situation as you. i recently moved to san diego a couple months back from nyc and my bf is still there right now so it suuuuucks A LOT :( i totally feel you. your post basically summed up everything i try to make it work too :) yay ahah hope the best for you two!

나니 said...

I shall admit that the only thing that caught my attention in this post was the photo :i SORRY! But it's SOOOO cute!

faye lu review said...

awww! great tips. i completely agree - keeping busy is a great one! otherwise you'd go crazzzy. i've been with by BF for over 8 years - 2 years were spent apart because of work - and we did the whole LDR .. it was freaking hard. but i truely think the key to any LDR is having a timeframe. when you will finally BE together. whether it's 6 months or a year, once there's a timeframe then there'something to work towards and look forward to =)

i love your random posts xo

xoladiihoneyxo said...

lol. when I had a picture of me and my boo, it's us kissing too so no one really know what he looks like. We were in a long distance relationship and TRUST is a really big thing and PATIENCE to see each other. I'm all the way from Boston and he's all the way in the Southern states and man.. we only get to see each other a couple of times per year but we talked every single day, either online or on the phone and you know... it's a big connection. Not all long distance relationship talk every single day though but it's good if you do. Plus, keeping yourself busy is good. Or if you plan vacations together at least once a year is pretty sweet.

mszjackiechu said...

Jane- Simon :)

Pfefi- Aww well I feel like everything does happen for a reason. Horribly cliche, but it always ends up being true :)

Jean- Haha he and i make it a ritual to blow up each other's phones :[ And I happen to have three bags of gyoza in my freezer right now that i love LOL

Mindy- ahaha yes it does have a lot of ups and downs :/ we can never get sick of each other at least LOL

Steph- AND LOOK AT YOU TWO NOW LOL! This was when you were in school huh? Invite me to the wedding....haha kidding but not happy holidays babe :)

Jennifer- Virgin is having a REALLY good sale on their site right now they fly outta the SD airport its 109 each way, hop on it! haha you can fly from now until May but i think the offer ends Dec 6

Faye- I completely agree! I think it'd be near impossible to be long distance for forever ;_; Having a time frame or an idea of the future definitely helps.

Im glad to know you guys are still good :)

g4ce said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jaylah said...

This is so helpful. And the picture is sooo utterly adorable. :)

Diana said...

Great post, I definitely agree that being insecure is annoying and it's mentally bad for you as well. I've been in a long distance relationship for 3+ years and it's been great. My boyfriend is actually moving back at the end of this month. ^.^ Cute picture of you two, maybe more in future posts? ;p

Redman9250 said...

Simon's a lucky're gorgeous.

Natalie said...

Great advice! It's exactly what I've been doing. I've been in a LDR for 4 years now. First my bf moved a 5 hr flight away ($400-$600 ticket) to a neighboring country. Then last summer he moved for his job again... this time it was a 16 hr flight away ($2500-$3000 ticket) to another continent. I definitely emphasize making time for each other to keep the relationship alive.

SelenaLuong said...

Jackie, this post has helped me a lot! And I don't know why I have never spent the time reading this but now that I am apart from my boyfriend since I moved to complete school it has helped me in a way. I realized that I am not the only one enduring the pain of being apart from my love and that makes it a little easier to accept. I wish you and your boyfriend a very successful and happy relationship!