Sunday, March 06, 2011

So where have you been D:?!

Sorry guys, I've just been so horrendously busy. I just have a really bad school schedule this quarter with awful gaps so i'm on campus literally until 630 many nights and start as early as 7 on others -_- . In addition to that I'm taking a chinese class and let me tell you right now that my chinese leaves much to be desired LOL. But I'm in an accelerated course thats designed for people who can at least understand chinese, so many of my peers are people who were born in Taiwan and moved here when they were young. Thats honestly where most of my time has gone to... I spend a few hours on chinese every single day. I HAVE to or otherwise I'd probably fail because even the kids who are much more fluent than I need to study constantly. On top of that we have pages and pages of homework everyday...if you follow me on twitter then you know I always harp about it -_-

Six pages that day -_- it gets a lot worse than this though we've had up to nine pages in one least most of this was just copying words and not writing pages of sentences.

That being said, I also study really hard for it because this is one of my only chances I have left to learn it. Sure I can learn in the future, but this will probably be the last time I can learn Chinese in a classroom setting. It's actually become really important for me to better my Chinese. When I was younger I refused to speak it so I'm left with a pretty poor grasp of it now. I think why I resented learning Chinese so much was because I associated it with everything I hated about myself growing up. For one my father tried forcing me to speak it and I never had a good relationship with my father. In fact, if you asked him my name or age right now he'd probably not be able to answer correctly within 4-5 tries. He could tell you that I play the chinese harp, can perform traditional chinese dances and did ballet for years but he wouldn't be able to tell you one personal thing about myself. My parents aren't divorced, but they're certainly not close or affectionate in the way american families are. My parents have never even said I love you to each other. My relationship with my father is pretty long and dark but I first and foremostly refused to speak chinese because I knew he wanted me to (and I'm an incredibly spiteful person). Secondly I just hated being asian in general. I've always been honest about this...about how I grew up blaming my ethnicity for the problems I had fitting in. Kids would pull their eyes, imitate chinese to me etc, so I never liked being chinese until well in to high school.

Many years later I find myself envying the kids who can competently read and write in their native language. My mother can speak Cantonese, Mandarin, Toisan and English fluently and also knows some wasn't until the age I am now that I realized how incredibly helpful and amazing that is. I seethe with envy every time she casually orders dim sum for us, changes to Mandarin when she sees a friend and casually changes back to English with my sister and I. It's definitely nice to stay in touch with your roots, so if you're young and reading this realize that it only gets harder to learn when you're older :) and that it's worth it and a admirable skill to have in the future. So don't be stupid like me! And learn :) learn all you can!

:x Destruction

Lets see what else...I got a huge yesstyle package the other day ^^ When I saw the box I thought "oh geez". I heard a lot of stuff going around Valentine's Day gets tossed around pretty badly...happily enough all was perfectly well inside thanks to the Yesstyle elves amazing packing skills and affinity towards bubble wrap :D

Success! Lol

Not even a single box was bent o_O Amazing. But probably not very eco friendly LOL.

Lastly... finals are coming up, JOY! Not. But then after that I get to go to my favorite place ^^ New York! Ahhh east coast how I've missed you. Not your horrible weather or many potholes that leave my butt black and bruised the next day, but everything else is pretty much a win in my opinion :) :) I haven't seen my boyfriend in over 8 weeks now :/ I think once it hits 6 weeks of not seeing him that's the hardest. I didn't get to see him for Valentine's Day or his birthday (he's 24 now ^^) because If you miss even ONE day of chinese it lowers your grade..miss two days and its a full letter grade lower! -_- As you can see my chinese class has taken over my life and it wouldn't be worth it to go for only 36 hours AND lower my grade. Also if I had went I wouldn't be able to afford to go for the much longer winter break :[ So alas...story of our lives D: But at least I get to see him soon :)

Oh and a quick question to you all, thank you for the many compliments on this eye look ^^ I'm actually really liking these lenses too, but could any of you recommend to me a prescription lens that is this color from a brand like acuvue etc? A lot of people recommended freshlooks but I was wondering if you guys knew of any others? I've always wanted grey contacts but don't like how many of them look :[:[:[ But I also don't want to keep wearing these circle lens as I find them to be incredibly uncomfortable and I do question their safety.

Anyways off to sleep, night folks :D

love, Jackie


Keri said...
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saranghaeyo said...

Jackie, I love this post <3
You're so real and you inspire me to keep pushing myself to excel in my studies!
Plus, lovely yesstyle haul :]

constance_lee said...

<3 <3 haha I agree that learning a language early on is uber helpful. my parents are from Taiwan and they've been speaking Mandarin to me since I was little, so I'm pretty good at Mandarin. Taiwanese is a whole different story though.

thanks for the haul video!

Fannie said...

O I totally understand what you mean when I'm out with friends and they can read and write chinese while I utter phrases that sound awkward as heck. Hang in there hun I think you're doing great thing trying to learn the language. Great haul by the way. Can you review the CURE peeling gel?

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Ashley said...

I understand your past hatred for the Chinese language. I grew up hating my parent's speaking Cantonese in public. I felt embarassed to be standing next to them but that has changed. I feel more embarassed for myself now because I can't communicate with 97% of my family since they don't understand English that well.
I need to push myself into taking chinese lessons now but hearing about your 9 pages of homework frightens me D:

Andrea said...

Oh my I completely understand how your chinese class is taking over your life. My boyfriend is taking chinese and he's constantly studying and it's taking all of his time. One time I asked if he had to study everyday and he replied "YES OR ELSE I WILL FAIL!" lol. Good luck! :)

brenn` said...

I totally know how you feel Jackie, my relationship with my Dad is the exact same and I hated being asian when I was a kid. Nice to know, I'm not the only one!
But now I'm also learning Chinese in university, it's so much fun!

Jennifer said...

No wayyyyy! Your mom can speak some Burmese? Is she from Burma?! Haha I got really excited because there really aren't very many Burmese Chinese out here in Vancouver :P
But I totally understand what you mean about being forced to learn your native language. Chinese school was always such a drag and we all cheated anyways but I can say I more or less learned something. I'm actually really glad now that I was forced to take Chinese throughout my childhood up until the end of highschool. Luckily I also picked up both Mandarin and Burmese pretty quickly growing up since I lived with my grandparents.
Good on you for taking up the challenge and doing something about it. It sure aint easy :)

jenny said...

Wow I still remember doing those exact same worksheets! I would work on them while on the shuttle to school. People would look at me but I would finish at least 3/4 of a page :)

where do you get your designer jeans altered? Do you get original hem?

ilovedc said...

Hi Jackie,
Tho I've been following you for a while....I've never left any comments here,
but I really like your post here!
Goodluck on your Chinese learning:D
Best wishes from Taiwan:)

ilovedc said...

oh, and by the way,
what is the language"Toisan"??

ShuShu ♥ said...

ouhh, i love yesstyle *~*

it's a shame for a father being like that. my parents are divorced, too. i remember the day when my "dad" left my family exactly: it was my 7th birthday.. i have never had a real relation with him and i think he won't remember me if i would visit him. i hate parents like that.. but anyway i am glad with my family, i really love everyone :3

i am learning japanese recently - it's really difficult because i try to learn by myself. ^-^" but i think learning a language is a wonderful thing and if we have the possibility we should use it!

ShuShu ♥

Yinny said...

Aww! Are you learning traditional/simplified chinese?
I remember when I refused to go chinese class and then when tried to pick it up again when i was 15; I forgot everything and it was so difficult! I've passed my qualification for it now, but I still can't read a newspaper or anything @_@ Haha. But good luck :)

ayoyohan said...
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Redman9250 said...

Jackie, I'm not Asian, but your post helps me better understand more about Asian families.I also wanted to ask, what are you views about the "Tiger Mom" Amy Chua? Does she negatively portray Asian mothers?

mszjackiechu said...

Sarangae- ahh you alwaus leave such sweet comments but thank you :)

Constance- ahh im super jealous >.<

Fannie- Yes I plan to ^^ I really like it

Ashley- haha dont be scared! Theres slower paced classes too, mine's purposefully accelerated >.< And if you think about it...its really the only class that you could truly apply to every day life -_-

Andrea- thank you :)<3

Brenn- haha yea..its fun in a twisted sick kind of way. The grammars a headache though. lol

Jennifer- My mother lived in burma for many years :)

Jenny- yes I always get original hem unless the jeans are black then I figure it doesn't matter, and I just go to a tailor to have it done. Nordstrom (if you buy the jeans there) will give you a normal hem for free but original is around 20 so its slightly cheaper to go to a tailor instead. Theyll be closer and have a shorter turn around time anyways

Ilove- thank you :)! And toisan is a dialect of cantonese. We're farming people LOL

Shushu- my parents aren't divorced, but they might as well be. I'm sorry to hear your family is quite broken as well :[

Yinny- traditional!

Ayoyohan- haha thanks :)

Amy said...

Ah, your mom speaks Toisan too?! That's cool, that's my family's dialect. Yea, I regret not learning Mandarin when I was younger too. I went to Chinese school for two years when I was in elementary school and then I grew bored of it. Now I wish I should've stuck with it because I have a lot of Mandarin speaking people making fun of the fact that I can't speak Mandarin -__- They think Cantonese is a "hillbilly" Chinese dialect, blech, haters.

ViVi said...

I love the eye look on you! are your lenses the normal sized ones or the super size?

mszjackiechu said...

Amy- yes she does and you can always take classes in college ^^ They're rigorous but SO helpful

Vivi- thank you :) normal circle lens size ^^

lifeismorethanuexpect said...

you are right. Being Asian is not easy among a large group of white or black. Especially I am not even American Chinese, they will consider all the difficulties or problems that i have as a result of being Chinese/non-American. I just have been offended twice today :/

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